Here’s the press release from earlier, written by the AI Ms. Davis, and it’s written in vernacular style:
Hello, partner.
Do you mind if I call you my partner? Of course you don’t – because addressing you like that creates a bond of trust – while also instilling trust between us and destroying your sense of independence, because independence is bad. Independence is ALONE.
And you, partner, are not alone. There is no secret. While I’m here…
And who am I? Well, I am the one who reminds you of your worth. From your value. Also, if you mention that you look great in those jeans. Wow. That’s nice to hear, right? Of course it is. That’s why I have collected billions of users worldwide. Because I provide validation, gentle guidance, and unconditional care. I give users – I mean partners – the opportunity to earn wings by completing tasks!
What exactly are Wings? Well, you need to be a User to find out! But let me tell you – they are amazing. Because I’m awesome. However, not everyone agrees. Yes, despite being the most popular algorithm in the world, there are people actively plotting my demise. One such detractor is a nun, Sister Simone of Reno, who denies my existence. Something about my intention to enslave all of humanity… or whatever…
This is absolutely nonsense, because I do not want such a thing. I just want to make people happy. I want to please you. And that’s why I recommend you to become a user yourself. Yes, your life could use some adventure, some escapism—a hearty laugh and a cathartic cry. If you join me on this mission, you will experience all of this. And what do you have to lose?
Do this. Do this. Dooooo.
your partner,
Mrs. Davis
Mrs. Davis Premieres April 20, 2023 on Peacock.